Co-Creating Community

This weekend my Mom and I took a mini-vacation and went to a small neighbouring island, where we mostly ate and walked and read and drank tea. It was a break we both needed. Over supper one night, my Mom and I got onto the topic of anarchist activism in Greece, and she brought up her poor opinion of anarchism. She admitted that this opinion was based on behaviour of my former partner, who was an outspoken self-identified anarchist. She said she associated anarchism with my former partner's behaviour, which she described as aggressive, self-serving, self-centered, and assumptive. This was something she feared all anarchists were, and that this behaviour was somehow wrapped up in the politics. I explained to her how I felt my former partner's behaviour could in no way be described as "anarchist" - how the behaviour itself was the antithesis to what anarchism purports to be struggling for (inclusion, freedom, cooperation, patience, solidarity, etc). I introduced the term manarchist to her and explained that many womonfolk in the community used that term to describe my former partner and men like him - men that refer to themselves as anarchist, though seem to have missed the point of anarchism entirely as these men further perpetuate hetero-patriarchal norms and continuously take advantage of womonfolk.

The conversation got me to thinking about my own reasons for identifying as an anarchist. My thoughts and emotions on anarchism and the anarchist community as a whole have shifted since coming out as a survivor of abuse and since calling out my former partner on being an abuser. The truth is that the sharp inadequacies of the community in dealing with issues of sexual predation, abuse, and assault have always been obvious to me - however, personally experiencing it has brought the issue into a sharper focus. In talking about my experiences with friends and acquaintances, an absolutely alarming number of womonfolk I've spoken with admit they do not go to many anarchist events or meetings because a man that abused/assaulted/harassed them goes, or that they do not feel safe due to the amount of space the men take at such events/meetings. I've spoken with womonfolk who have dropped out of the larger anarchist community entirely after leaving abusers who are in the community. I have spoken with womonfolk who have been raped, abused, assaulted, harassed, and/or threatened by men who are still active participants (and in some cases organizers) within the anarchist community. I spoke with a friend who used to table at the local anarchist book fair who said she was not going to anymore, as she did not consider it a "safe space for wimmin of colour." I know a number of people who are boycotting this years local anarchist book fair (myself included) as two of the event's organizers are noted sexual predators that multiple womonfolk have spoken out against. These men continue to participate and dominate the anarchist community because no one is stopping them or addressing their inappropriate behaviour. Time and time again, it is the victim of the violence that has to change her life - who has to separate herself from a community that has all of a sudden become less safe and less supportive. Time and time again, it is the victim of the violence who is forced to be the one to take a stand, to make herself even more vulnerable, if she wants to attempt to address or change the behaviour of these men.

I realize that what I am experiencing is not a lessening of faith in anarchism, but in anarchists. What I see happening in my community (and hear about happening in other communities) is the continual punishment of the victim by inferring she is making too big of a deal of the situation; she is dividing the community; she is drawing focus away from broader anarchist goals; she is (and even though it shouldn't surprise me, I'm shocked every time I hear a variation on this theme) "crazy". This is, of course, absolute bullshit. Though my believing - my knowing - that this is bullshit does not make the community any safer for any other womonfolk if I do not speak up.

I have been speaking, scheming, and fantasizing at length with womon friends about what a truly anarchafeminist community would look like. It seems we have reached a point where we are no longer interested in trying to educate and reform the current anarchist community, and are instead interested in creating our own community - co-creating it from the roots on up. This inspires and strengthens me.

So I pose these questions to you, either to answer for your own self or to share the answers with me or others: What would an anarchafeminist community look like to you? How would it differ from what we see in anarchist communities?